In what can only be described as wordplay of the highest order, ‘floating voters’ stole the show in villages throughout West Cornwall yesterday, simply by living up to their name. In a bizarre spectacle, which started at around 2pm, men and women were witnessed ‘floating’ through the streets, with no obvious means of propulsion. Local residents were left stunned and bewildered by the stunt, some of them requiring medical attention for shock.
However, not everyone took the apparent miracle so seriously. One polling station even reported a ‘party atmosphere’, as children appeared to succeed in imitating the pranksters. Election Official, Tom Curnow, described their technique as ‘a kind of horizontal bombing’.
He said: “They’d run along for a bit, and then just leap into the air, drawing their legs up, like when they bomb off the pier. But they were doing this down the High Street – horizontally! It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. Some of them were covering distances of thirty yards or more.”
A number of minor injuries were reported as over-zealous adults failed to overcome their belief in gravity. Restaurateur, Anthony Pardow, known locally as ‘Fat Tony’, admits to having made a fool of himself. “The kids made it look so easy,” he said, “but I just fell flat on my face.”
- Serious message -
Leaflets dropped during the aerial performance appeared to mock voters for their naivety, claiming that a “dark force” controlled the world and that elections were nothing more than “theatre for the masses.” It went on to encourage people to wake-up, rise up, and take their power back.
The group, calling itself ‘Introfinity’, is led by Cornish mystic, Jay Sawyer, who many voters now want to see prosecuted for what they perceive as intimidation.
- Untouchable -
Police Sergeant, Kenneth Green, himself a victim of the stunt, urged people to remain calm. He said: “There are several matters I’d like to take up with Mr Sawyer, including the whereabouts of my hat, but I have my orders and, for the time being at least, he and his academy of misfits are effectively untouchable.”
- No mere trick -
Whilst admitting to his role in the prank, Sawyer denies using any kind of technology to create the illusion. He said: “People experience gravity, and so they believe in gravity, and so they experience gravity. It’s a vicious circle that’s hard to break… but not impossible. Nothing is impossible.”
As for the whereabouts of Sergeant Green’s hat, Sawyer claims to have returned it to the local fancy dress shop, “where it belongs.”
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