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Okay... so I got to thinking (after some family upheavals which meant I had to re-evaluate my relationship with my father and his family) what exactly is a Lightworker? What does this terminology mean to me, not just to others who may not see it through my eyes...
You see, I felt I was 'stuck' emotionally a while back and consequently, I had cut myself off from my beloved Source - Source being the 'All there ever was and all there is' endless stream of well-being and broader, non-physical aspect of who I really am - yes, it's a long story!!!
In an effort to move forward from this emotional inertia, I decided to do a 'cutting the ties' ceremony (article on this elsewhere on this site) and it had consequences, as all actions do. As a result I freed myself (and my paternal family) from obligations and from the stuff that we'd all kicked around with which was undermining our growth. For example, feeling resentful for having to constantly be the one to phone father in Spain, and feeling guilty for not keeping up with the stepbrother and sister (also scattered across the globe) and also feeling 'left out' of the paternal family proceedings. I realised this was only my perspective, but it's the only one I have access to, authentically. After all, your feelings are your feelings and nobody on the planet knows you like you know you... they might see you behave in a certain way, and think that is You, but it isn't. Who you are is a vibrationally energetic being, in a human body, which is subject to all kinds of conditions. It was these conditions I wanted to break out of. I wanted to shatter the illusion and see if I could reach my family on a deeper level, but they were not having any of it! As a result, I needed to cut the ties with them, in the love and intention that one day, if they saw, or if I saw things any differently, then we would come together again in a better understanding and tolerance of one anothers' differences... however...
My stepbrother, in all of this mess, decided to tell me in no uncertain terms that I could not call myself a lightworker and then proceeded to quote the dictionary definition (as he has no idea of what or who I am) and it was very loaded with sarcasm and hurtful remarks. If anything, what the whole process made me see clearly was that we were really not on the same wavelength, and that was okay by me... I just didn't see why it had to be dealt with in such a venomous manner, but hey-ho... you live and learn!
So, consequently, I questioned myself rigorously, and also questioned what I thought the term 'Lightworker' meant to me, and this is what I think:
A Lightworker, from my perspective, is an aspect of the non-physical energy which I know to be Source Energy, manifested in a blood, flesh and bone body called a human being. This human is a manifested version of the infinite stream of consciousness that is ever expanding and moving forward and the most important thing to know is that "you can't get it wrong and you never get it done!".
So this human being, in the experience of the thing we call Life, is puttering around on a planet that has all the qualities of a fairground - it's pretty and glitzy and fun and scary and expensive and tacky and exhilarating and frightening, etc, etc... In an effort to make life fun and more bearable, the human being begins to look for ways in which to improve itself and become a better human being (not that anybody's counting in Source, for there, there is nothing but unconditional acceptance and infinite love). But on this planet where we judge and condemn quite a lot, and think we know what we're talking about when we quote 'unconditional love', we often get it 'wrong'. And sometimes it's in the process of trying to get it 'right'.
This is what I appear to have done. I did not intentionally set out to hurt my father's feelings. Rather, I wanted to see if he had any! I wanted him to see that from my perspective, his heart problems (3 bypasses in 10 years) and other physical stuff were manifestations of unresolved inner stuff. I believed he might understand as he's been stating for some time that my stepsister's Reiki healing has been doing him good. I thought it was odd that for 5 years, the Reiki was being sent, etc and nobody had thought to go to the core, root, or energetic/vibrational source of the issues.... however...
My dad took umbrage at my insolence and insensitivity and lack of caring and chose to involve my brother and sister in the argument, making it an 'us and them' situation, which hurt me deeply...
What they failed to see, in their attack/defence agains me, was my human-ness. I tried to explain that I considered myself imperfect, but was trying to improve things daily, and looking for more light in my life. Hence the term, lightworker... maybe it should be Lightseeker?
They didn't get it, and so for now, the continents have drifted and the divide remains unbridged. I am happy with that now and also grateful for the chance to examine my own principles and ask myself serious questions.
We are all, in effect, Light-seekers. Lightworkers are those, in my view, who actively and consciously make themselves available to improvement. Many people are unconsciously doing this and many people are unconsciously seeking light, whatever that means to them.
But the most important thing I learned in my own judgement of people at times is that just because you are a 'lightworker' or 'lightseeker' does not rule out the human being that you are. To err is human, to forgive is Divine, is a wonderful old adage, and these days, I remind myself that I love being human and if I don't make mistakes, and move on, I won't expand and grow.
This wonderful life I'm living is full of experiences, some positive some negative but the more I get a handle on Who I Really Am - a non-physical energy being in a human body - the more I enjoy the ride!
I hope this helps someone else in some way, but thank you for listening to my rambles...
Love, light and gratitude, Jay xoxxoxoxox
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